Given that I am the world’s gobbiest bint (bint is an affectionate term in Birmingham before you scowl at such crude language towards myself), I don’t half have a problem communicating with words.
You might not think this – I am confident, I have no issue speaking my mind, saying what I think and speaking in front of a room full of people (I do this every time I teach!) but, in actual fact, when it comes down to what really needs to be said, I struggle to find the words.
See I am a much better writer, always have been, I wrote in a diary when I was young, I wrote poetry when I got depressed, I write these blogs and I’m more honest and open in any of these than I am in real life – it’s easy when you write, it’s like you have a mask, to hide the shame of what people might think.
I write my yoga classes before I read them out, admittedly there’s always changes in the heat and the heart of the moment, but the jist is always carefully thought out and written down.
For me, the biggest issues in relationships come when communication fails.
I’m not just talking marriage, I am talking relationships between fathers and daughters, mothers and sons, brothers and sisters… the list goes on.
I’ve learnt a hell of a lot in the last three years about communication, and one thing is for certain: not saying anything at all is a thousand times worse than saying what you actually think.
I’ll give you a yoga teacher speciality example:
New student comes to class, tries the class once, and I say in return at the end: “I usually email students after their first class just to see if they want to try it again, so I’ll drop you an email”.
I write email: “Hi xxx, it was lovely having you in my class this week, I hope you enjoyed it. I usually tell my students if they want to come regularly I will assume they are coming, unless they tell me otherwise. So do let me know if you would like to go on the regulars list or not – and if not, feel free to tell me if it’s not your thing, I’d rather know whether to expect you or not and won’t be offended if you’d prefer to try a different yoga class – each class is different for everyone, so if it’s not your thing, please don’t think you’ll offend me by saying so.”
I think this is a fair point to make – if I am expecting someone to come to class I wait and hold the class up before they arrive – so I would rather know that I will never see them again than make the rest of my students wait for them, unknowingly.
After writing this email, there’s three ways this usually goes… the first?
Student replies and says count me in and we see each other week on week and it’s great – because we communicated.
Student says great, see you next week, then next week they don’t turn up, I then send a chaser email just to check if they’d like to come the following week, student doesn’t reply – too embarrassed they would offend, so they decide it’s best just to say nothing at all.
I don’t get a reply.
What is wrong with the last two? That people think it is politer to say absolutely nothing at all than it is to tell someone the truth: ‘sorry Emily, you’re not for me, I’m going to look for a teacher that is a little less crazy and a bit more normal’ – I’d actually love it if someone was that honest.
And peeps – I am telling you know – this happens ALL the time – I’m actually shocked, genuinely that people think it’s more decent just to ignore someone than it is to say ‘I’m not interested’… oh hello EVERY SINGLE GUY I EVER DATED (before George.)
Yep – it’s exactly that – and especially men (sorry guys but it’s true!) you inherently hate confrontation, and you’d rather just ‘not say anything’ than say ‘look love, you’re not for me’.
What is wrong with saying to someone: ‘we don’t click’, ‘I don’t fancy you’, ‘you’re not my type’, ‘I thought your class was too hard’, ‘I’m looking for something more gentle’… since when was it OK just to point blank ignore people rather than communicate with them?
I realise this has turned into a semi rant, but seriously dudes, stop being so frigging British and stop thinking that the radio silence is politer than just plain decent honesty!
And the worst part is? This is only the basic stuff that I am referring to – now play that into your own personal relationships where you’ve been too scared to speak the truth, where communication has broken and where you have suffered as a result?
I could go on for days about this, but you don’t need to know it all, all you need to know is: communication is key and it’s the secret to our own stable mental health.
So, strong affirmations for the throat chakra?
- AI live in my truth, I communicate my truth, I am my truth
- Communicating is vital to my well-being
- I listen to the truth of others; I share truth honestly
- I express my truth as creatively as possible
How can we work through negativity around this chakra to create more balance?
- Make a commitment to be as truthful as you always can
- Watch levels of substance like smoking and drinking around the throat chakra as they weaken the will
- Be careful what you say about others, gossip has a terrible way of coming around
- Build credibility from integrity
- Speak clearly and mean what you say
Other things associated to this Chakra:
- Star sign: Gemini and Virgo
- Oils: Ylang Ylang
- Element: Ether
- Plant: Gardenia
- Metal: Mercury
- Colour: Blue
- Type of Music: Opera
- Stone: Blue agate