Valentines

Valentine’s Day… bllllleeeeeeuuuuuurrrrrrgggghhhhhhh vom vom vom vom vom.

My husband and I have been through a really rough time lately, largely because I have personally (as y’all know) and that always impacts the other half doesn’t it? Anyway, I said to him: ‘just because things have been hard lately, that doesn’t mean that you should even consider acknowledging Valentine’s Day exists’.

He nodded, he understood.

Since we’ve been together (this is our ninth Val Day) we’ve only physically been together on one Val day, and that was only by accident because we hadn’t realised the date – usually I make plans elsewhere and he either stays in or goes to the pub.

Why? Because I hate it, it’s pointless, and I don’t need it.

As a child / teenager it caused me SO MUCH MISERY. I wasn’t pretty / skinny / whatever enough to be admired by boys, I never got asked out, I never got a Valentine – and I just felt so very upset by the whole process every year. Even in my early twenties – never anything in the post from anyone.

Why did I hang onto this so much? Why was it so important? Because of the narrative that society places on it. Shop window displays, clothes, social media… all that jazz – it’s everywhere you look. And for a shy insecure 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 (the list goes on) year old – it’s just basic torture!

So now I don’t celebrate it, and to be honest never will, yes, as a statement for all those others who put as much emphasis on it, and got as much misery from it as I did.

And yes also because there’s the fact that we don’t actually need a day to tell us that someone else loves us to define who we are – we just need to apply ourselves with some self love and take the mutual love in from there.

So in a rather odd style blog this week, I was feeling creative, so I wrote a lil’ poem about love, my poems are slightly anarchist, so advanced warning for the way I write… but when it comes to the subject of love – what starts within the self is the most important part of it. You can’t expect others to love you unless you really love who you are first.

So get loving!

What is love?
This thing from above,
That’s struck to the heart,
like a dart, by Cupid?
Don’t be stupid.

What’s it to you?
Something clear and true?
The look you share when he’s into you?
Or the feeling you get when you buy something new?

It’s different to you, it’s different to me, it’s as different as the faces we see.
It picks us up, helps us be free,
Then sends us on our way most merrily.

Love can be kind… but love can be cruel.
Love can leave you feeling or acting like a fool.
Love leaves you standing out there in the cold,
Wondering how you were once so bold.

Love can be clear and love can be true,
But love can also be confusing too.
Love can be words, and love can be hate,
Love can be gestures, love can be your mate.
Love can be quiet, and love can be shy,
Love can be missed unless you give it a try.
Love can be avoided, love can be found,
Love can be wicked, and love can be sound.

But there is no love without having it within,
Without feeling secure inside your own skin.

So look in the mirror and count to three,
Then say out loud: sending love to me.
Look at your reflection then send it right back,
And congratulate yourself for this amazing life hack.

To love oneself is the gift of life, it washes away all the nonsense strife.
When you have self love, you’ll feel full and complete,
And then you can run and dance through the street…
Shouting ‘I don’t need a Valentine,
Because I’ve got me,
And that’s all I’ll ever need to feel happy and free.’

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